Ani, age 22, US 12 (I apologize in advance if this message is crazy long! haha!)
(TRIGGER WARNING: mention of eating disorders, and depression)
Hey beautiful bunnies!
I’ve been meaning to submit for a while, but couldn’t seem to get the courage to do it. So this time, I’m only posting a face shot. I’ve been in a bit of a rut, personally, so I decided I needed to take a step forward, even if I’m not where I want to be emotionally. You all inspire me so much!
I’ve always struggled with my weight and my self esteem. I was raised by an anorexic mother, and tiny little petite sisters, and it really instilled a skewed idea of what I should be in my head.
I weigh the most I ever have in my life, but I realized that at my smallest, I was even more miserable(which is a whole story in and of itself! Maybe another time), and I didn’t get to that small of a weight by healthy means. As much as I hurt my body, it was my mind that I hurt the most. It’s been the past three or four years that I’ve gained the majority of the weight, and I’ve beat myself up about it relentlessly, to the point of depression and self-hatred. My husband has done everything he can to help, but he can’t fix a problem that is mine.
I kept waiting for something to happen, something that would inspire me to kick my butt into gear and become model skinny, and then I would be amazing and wonderful and perfect and worthy of love! ‘Cause that’s how it works, right? But then something did happen that inspired me, but not in the way I expected. One of my amazing sisters has five kids, they are all tiny petite, and will likely grow to be very small people, however, the second to youngest is a carbon copy of me. She’s already outgrowing her older siblings and is just a solid little girl. She’s beautiful and perfect, and sees no problem with being bigger than her siblings. Her siblings never seem to notice much or care that she’s bigger, either(my sister has been very careful to keep them away from things that promote body negativity). My darling little niece also thinks I’m perfect and beautiful and loves me exactly how I am, she loves that she takes after me. It hit me that she can never hear me say negative things about myself. She already knows that she is my mini-me, and I don’t want her to see a negative example from me, I refuse to teach her self hatred/shame. And the same to my other nieces and nephews, I don’t want them to see their auntie hating herself, I have the chance to be a positive example, and to teach that all bodies are beautiful.
It was a wake-up call that I need to work on getting my mind healthy. There are little, impressionable eyes watching, and I won’t contribute to them having the struggles I’ve had. I owe it to myself to love me!! I’ve always found women of all body types to be beautiful, and now it’s time for me to practice what I preach. I work to tell myself only positive, uplifting things, and wearing whatever I want, regardless what others may potentially think. I still have my bad days, but they are getting less and less.
Thank you all for being so awesome and inspiring! You are all amazing and beautiful and I look up to you lovely ladies! I love this blog, it makes my life better. Thanks for reading!!
Feel free to shoot me a message anytime!